Grief is a complex and deeply personal journey that we all navigate at some point in our lives. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a job, a relationship, or a sense of normalcy, grief can cast a long shadow over our lives. One of the most challenging aspects of this journey is the expectation to resume normalcy even as the wounds of loss are still fresh.
Since 2020, collectively, we have been grieving the loss of loved ones due to the COVID-19 global pandemic. Some of us lost loved ones beyond the COVID-19 virus, so this added to our collective grief. A couple of years ago, someone made a great point on Twitter that we should have a day of mourning. It would be great to have that and more, where we have an entire week off to process our grief and be with people who are still with us. No work, no projects, no pressure to make money. I know it is all a dream, but it is a fantastic one nonetheless.
When I lost my favorite aunt at the beginning of 2021, then my grandmother in love, then my dear friend later in 2021, and then a month later three family members, it was too much happening too soon. Going into 2022, I began looking for a new job, interviewing for a new one, and then landing a new one. As well as being a wife, mom, sister, friend, and just a person trying to survive in America. Y’all, it was A LOT!! And you might wonder how you do it?! I had to tuck away my feelings, but when I was able to sit in my grief, I was a total wreck, and grief hits you when you are not expecting it. I remember walking in the ice cream aisle of a grocery store, and then I thought of Kenya and began crying because she would give me tips on good non-dairy ice cream.
In this Let’s Talk About It blog post, I’ll explore the delicate balance of grieving and the pressure to go back to life as if nothing has changed. Many of our jobs don’t have bereavement time, so we have to use vacation time. Going to my loved one’s funeral or traveling to do so is not a vacation. It speaks to the lack of importance of grieving in our society. And when a job does have bereavement time, it is usually designated for certain family members like our parents, and that’s it. This is problematic when people like myself have close bonds with my chosen family, so according to a policy, I wouldn’t be able to use my bereavement time and have to utilize my vacation time. I wanted to share ways to prioritize yourself as best as possible because your institution won’t, and sometimes the people in your lives won’t either. Below are my thoughts that I wanted to unpack with you.
The Unseen Struggle: Grieving in Silence
Grief often comes with a societal expectation to move on quickly. Friends and family may encourage us to return to our regular routines, and the outside world may expect us to put on a brave face. However, the internal struggle is often unseen. It’s essential to recognize that grieving is a unique and individual process, and there is no fixed timeline for healing.
The Mask We Wear: Navigating Social Expectations
The pressure to conform to social norms can lead us to wear a mask, hiding our true emotions to fit in with those around us. Returning to work, social gatherings, and daily routines can feel like donning this mask. While it might provide a temporary sense of normalcy, it’s crucial to acknowledge the toll it takes on our mental and emotional well-being.
The Importance of Honoring Grief: Allowing Space for Healing
Rather than succumbing to societal pressures, it’s crucial to honor the grieving process. This involves giving ourselves permission to feel and express our emotions openly. Whether it’s through therapy, support groups, or personal reflection, creating space for healing is an essential step toward finding a new normal that aligns with our authentic selves.
Embracing the New Normal: Redefining Life After Loss
As we navigate the path of grief, it’s essential to recognize that the concept of “normal” may undergo a profound transformation. Instead of striving to return to a pre-loss version of ourselves, we can embrace a new normal that incorporates the lessons learned and the strength gained through the grieving process. This doesn’t mean forgetting the past; instead, it involves integrating the experience into our lives to allow us to move forward with purpose.
Supportive Networks: Breaking the Silence
Breaking the silence surrounding grief is crucial in fostering understanding and empathy. Friends, family, and colleagues can play a pivotal role in creating a supportive environment that acknowledges the complexities of grief. Encouraging open conversations and offering a compassionate ear can make a significant difference in someone’s journey through loss.
Grieving and returning to normalcy only happened in an unhealthy way by compartmentalizing my grief. However, my friends did a great job of allowing each other space to grieve collectively. We still make space for each other to this day. Real talk sometimes; grief hits hard when I want to call my loved one or send them a message. By acknowledging the intricacies of grief and embracing the journey with compassion and authenticity, we can navigate the shadows and, in time, find a new normal that reflects our resilience, strength, and vulnerability.
I want to dedicate this blog post to my dear friend, Kenya Flash. Thank you for showing me how to be more vulnerable and for loving me, flaws and all. As I write this, I cry tears of joy because I got to experience your kindness. We were supposed to bring in the new year together in 2022, so I am bringing you into this new year by writing about this important topic. Check out the links below if you want to know more about my dope friend. She was a blessing to so many people.
- Lorin Jackson’s reading list: For Kenya, Librarian and Friend.
- Kenya’s Forever Missed page is where you can continue to leave additional tributes and photos.
- The Journal of Blacks in Higher Education: In Memoriam: Kenya Siana Flash, 1980-2021
- Kenya S. Flash Virtual Lecture Series in Librarianship
Take care,
Jamia
The Diversity Fellow's Blog 