Today’s Let’s Talk About It Series is what I like to call cute and mute. I want to talk about how people say they want your input in libraries, but they really don’t mean that. Mariah Huq from Married to Medicine said the phrase “cute and mute,” which is a person who doesn’t say anything and is passive and just lets things unfold around them while looking cute. I really feel like this is what some people want to happen at meetings where decisions are being discussed. Have you ever attended a meeting where leadership says they want your input before making a decision, but their actions speak otherwise? Before I go into more detail. Let me give you some backstory on why this type of culture bothers me.
Growing up, I was never a kid who kept my mouth shut when I saw something that was off or wrong; I spoke up. As a result, the comment section on my report cards was the worst. My mom would joke with me and say if she only looked at the comments, she would think I was a failing student. Since I did well in school, she just laughed it off which I was grateful for since I grew up in a strict household. Honestly, I think because I went to a predominately white school, I believe that my mom was aware that most white teachers would not be accepting of a Black student with an opinion and definitely not one with an opposing opinion. As I got older, I started to quiet that inner advocate in me because it made other people uncomfortable, and I became a people pleaser. Now that I am unlearning people-pleasing and ridding myself of passive-aggressive behavior. Side note: passive aggression is pervasive in librarianship. It really irks my nerves. Anyway, I am leaning toward using assertive communication. Growing up, I was an assertive communicator. Honestly, this is exciting but terrifying sometimes as a Black woman. Many people want to label assertive Black women as aggressive. Honestly, when I am aggressive, it is when people come for those that I love. When it comes to me, I am more gracious with people’s nonsense.
So many questions go through my mind when meetings are staged. Yes, I said staged to get input from staff when people are going to do what they want to do. Why waste people’s time? The culture of niceness gives way to the need to do this. The way niceness is utilized will be discussed in another post. So, for instance, I think leadership should be transparent by letting staff know that decisions will be made because it is above them, and they don’t have any control over what will happen instead of not communicating this. I know that most library workers would love to have input on all decisions that are made in the library, but that is not realistic. Sometimes, decisions have to be made right away for various reasons. I can only hope for better.
Another aspect of mute and cute is illustrated in the below graphic that I saw years ago. When a marginalized person is brought in to provide their perspective so that the library can make a systematic change, then when that marginalized person gives opinions, they are silenced or ostracized for being demanding or ungrateful. This is violence! Now, why would I say this? I know many stories where a marginalized library worker was sought after due to their scholarship or advocacy in our profession and even celebrated during the interview process. Unfortunately, when it is time to make meaningful change, that is a bridge too far. It was nice at other institutions or even in theory, but the real work is unacceptable within their new institution.
What are your thoughts on this graphic? Have you seen this before?
Hopefully, people won’t feel like they must be mute and cute to do their jobs. I know we can’t tell all of what we want to say at our job, but at least we should be able to provide input about things that concern the library. This blog post was hard to write because I don’t want to offend leadership in libraries; however, I want those in authority to consider what I mentioned. Thanks for reading just some of my thoughts on this topic. I look forward to reading your comments.
Peace,
Jamia
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